a good day

Today was good. No big freak outs, no overwhelmingly sad moments. It is 8:47 pm, I have almost made it through the entire day without anything extreme taking over. I spent time talking with a co-worker who has lost a stepson and two nephews and her youngest son has heart problems. We talked about the funerals of the three boys and last year with her son and his changing condition. Normally, this would send me into a downward spiral, but I talked about it and came out okay.

Today, I also told all of our families that we would not be attending any Thanksgiving dinners. All of our parents handled it graciously which helps. I signed up to work so that I could avoid the holiday. I have decided that maybe embracing my inner Grinch will help me move through this negative spot with less guilt.

I am not doing a tree for the Festival Of Trees this year. I have most of the stuff for one, but have decided to take a break this year. While it was good to pay tribute to my son and donate to the hospital, I need to separate myself from some of these painful moments and feel the negative feelings instead of barely hanging on to the positive I should be feeling.

Those around me probably think that I am crazy. I am sure it already seems as though I am embracing my inner grouchiness, but believe it or not, it is getting worse. You haven't seen the half of it and I don't want you to. I don't need to take this anger out on those I love. So I guess it is as they say "it gets worse before it gets better". Let's hope so, because it does keep getting worse.

But, AGAIN, to was a good day.

Here is to tomorrow.........