In mass yesterday, the topic of our readings and of the sermon were about us recognizing that Jesus is ready and wants to help us.
Our priest told us a story about the droughts where he lives and how they have special masses to pray for rain. When these masses are held, the priests tells the parishioners that if they are coming to that mass they need to bring their umbrellas with them.
Jesus is ready to help us. Are we ready to receive his help? When you ask for something from God, do you really want him to help you? Or do you just want to vent? Either way it's okay, but God does know the difference. If you don't really want the help or you are not ready for what that help might be, He will wait.
There have been many times when I think I know what God's response will be and so I am afraid to ask. I worry that I will not have the strength for what He wants me to do, so I try to shrink myself down to where He might not notice me for a while (funny how I really think He might not notice).
When my son was alive, for months, I asked God to heal him, to make him better, to let him be "the one" who defied all the odds. Though God did keep him alive, for so much longer than anyone thought possible, it became clear that a long life on earth was not what my darling Bridger was created for. My prayers began to change.... I didn't know what all was in store for him, me or our family, but I knew that God would be with us and that I only had to ask for His guidance.
As a parent, you may understand that t is difficult to think that anyone else might know what is best for your children other. I wanted to be the one who protected Bridger from anything and everything. I wanted him to know that I loved him more than anyone in the universe ever could. He was my everything and I wanted to show him that over and over. But, I had to stop being selfish. I had to realize that God would keep him alive for me, but maybe that wasn't what was right for Bridger.
My prayers changed ...... Over and over, I asked God to give me the strength to endure His will. Inside I was terrified of what that "will" might be.
I have noticed that I do this in my relationships with others as well. My parents, family, friends, even my psychiatrist and counseler. If I am not ready to hear what hey have to say, I skirt around the topic. Often, I know the right answer in my mind, but I don't like what that "right answer" is. So, naturally, I turn the other way and pretend I didn't hear anything.
Are you doing this to God? Is He telling you something that you don't want to hear? What I have been learning over the past seven years is that He will only get louder. How loud does He have to get before you will listen? Before you will believe? He has screamed at me in the past. Not in an angry way, more like a mother screaming at you to get it of the road because you may get hit by a car. It is almost frantic. "Staci! Staci!!!! Stop.... Don't do that ..... Come over here!".
When I was younger, I was a lifeguard at a water park for the summer. In our life guard training, you had to get your victim to remain calm and not fight you in the water. They had to relax and trust that you could swim them to safety. If they were thrashing around and fighting to get out of the water, it was very difficult to help them.
When you are drowning, when you are asking God for help or for an answer, do you trust Him? Do you believe that He will answer? That He can save you? That He will if you submit to Him?
If you are praying for rain, will you bring your umbrella?
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