Living My Afterlife: July 2010

Friday, July 30, 2010

Another blog...

In recent months, I have been searching more and more for peace and simplicity in my life. In this search, I have come across several websites that help to settle my mind. Whether it is reading about beach cottage decor or tips about living a simple life, they all help me to continue on this journey in life. This blog will record the things I am doing as learn to enjoy this life instead of run through it.

About this blog

Hello. For anyone out there who is reading, I'll try to give you an idea of how I came to this place and time.

I started this blog several years ago as a second blog following the blog that journaled the life and death of my son. I titled this one "living my afterlife" because that is what I am trying to do. After losing my son, my life was divided into three segments: before he was born, the time he was alive and after he died. I will tell you more about his story later.

My first after life started in August of 2009, my darling boy, Bridger died on August 8, 2009. I had given every ounce of myself over to doing everything I possibly could for him to make sure that he felt loved and knew I was always there, so when he died, I lost my purpose.

I started searching in so many places. I decided to go back to school ($12,000 and no degree later), I became the director of nursing at a facility and while there had a nervous break down due to PTSD from Bridger's death, I almost left nursing all together.

Then my husband and I thought that we would see if God wanted us to have another child. Because of previous difficulties, this was nearly impossible. But for God, nothing is impossible. I became pregnant and though terrified that this baby may not be okay, I was hopeful for the purpose of being a mom again.

For this pregnancy, I was sick just as before, emotional just as before, and then we found out that this baby had the same condition as Bridger only worse. So here we were, just as before, faced with difficult decisions for our child. For Bridger, we tried every possible medical intervention. When we found out about Finleigh, both my husband and I had the feeling that her path would be different. She was not here to live the hospital life. She was here to come home with us and just know baby life until her last breath, which was 18 days after her birth.

My second afterlife began April 2, 2103.

Again, I was lost. Maybe I was never found after Bridger. Maybe I had not been found in life at all? What do you do after losing both of your children? What is your purpose? What is the point? I didn't know. My husband didn't know. We were lost.

On June 25, 2015, my divorce became final. Our 15 year relationship and 11 year marriage was over. After life #3.

So here I am, 33 years old. I have lost my children, lost my marriage, but still have hope. Not hope in finding a new husband. Not hope in having more children. But hope that God does have more in store for me.

I am restarting this blog to share this journey with you... God shows me new miracles everyday both through pain and joy. I want to experience every moment with love in my heart.

Welcome to my afterlife......

Living My Afterlife

Friday, July 30, 2010

Another blog...

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